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Newly Diagnosed > How Family & Friends Can Help |
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Breast cancer affects all aspects of a woman's life, not just her physical well-being. A breast cancer diagnosis influences personal relationships including those of family members and friends. Each person may react differently to the diagnosis of breast cancer and the effects of treatment. For both the woman and her loved ones, talking about breast cancer may be difficult, however discussing and dealing with the emotional impact of those closest to her is essential.
It is common for a woman to feel overwhelmed, angry and frightened after a breast cancer diagnosis. There is no right or wrong way for her to react. Each woman is different and will have her own unique means of coping. She may quickly absorb and accept the diagnosis and be ready to move ahead. This does not necessarily mean she is in denial. She may go through stages of disbelief, anger, denial and feel betrayed by her body. Be patient with her, let her take one small step at a time. Part of the overall healing process is acceptance, she will get there when she is ready.
Ways family members or close friends can participate and support her, if she is comfortable with it, is:
1. To accompany her to doctor appointments and take part in discussions.
2. It may be helpful for her to have someone present when meeting with her healthcare team to take notes.
3. Offer to drive, and go along with her to her pre-operative appointments before the scheduled surgery. She may be
required to have x-rays, a bone scan, ultrasound, pet scan, MRI, lab work or
any number of other procedures. Some women may decide to obtain a second
opinion from another doctor, this is not a reflection in any way on her own doctor's diagnosis, just confirmation that she is on the right track.
4. If she chooses to visit a second, or even a third physician, you may offer to accompany and wait for her, she may invite you to go with her for the consultation and be her second set of ears.
5. You may offer to take her to a breast cancer support group where she can meet and talk with women who understand how she is feeling. If she chooses to attend before her scheduled surgery, she will be better prepared for the weeks and months ahead. You may also suggest she visit a local mastectomy boutique and speak with a certified fitter about the products she may need in the future. It will put her mind at ease to learn that there are many feminine and comfortable options in after care products.
6. An ideal source for information about breast cancer is the Dr. Susan Love "Breast Book". There will be answers to many of her questions and concerns here. You can find the revised edition at your local bookstore, or at the library. Dr. Love also has an educational and informational web site at www.susanlovemd.com.
The National Cancer Institute at 1-800-422-6237 can provide her with current literature regarding breast cancer and up-to-date treatments including clinical trials.
7. It is important to respect her right to make her own decisions about surgery and treatments. You can see to it that she has access to the most up-to-date information, but allow her to decide which options are best for her based on her own personal desires and needs. It is critical that she play an active role in her own healthcare decisions, that she understands her options and is comfortable communicating with her team of doctors. At this time it is normal for her to feel like she has no control over her life, and this is one area where she is able to take charge.
8. Do not lose sight that this is her illness and her life. It is her decision about when and who to share the details of her diagnosis, surgery and treatments with. Do not offer advice, do not pity her, do not try to put yourself in her shoes, and do not tell her she is going to be fine.
9. Just listen to her, hold her hand, give her a hug, and let her know you care about her and you are there to offer whatever support she needs.
10. The best and most helpful gift you can give your friend or loved one is a SOFTEE® TWO Recovery Camisole to take to the hospital. This comforting garment will address her immediate needs and take her through recovery with confidence and grace. She will appreciate your thoughtfulness, and thank you for making the perfect selection.
A Few More Suggestions:
11. When she comes home from the hospital she may not feel the need for assistance. However, she will require rest for several days in order for her to have a complete recovery. This period of time is going to be very important to her overall healing. If she lives alone, you may offer to check on her throughout the day.
12. Run errands for her and her family.
13. Write thank you notes.
14. Prepare meals.
15. Take her to the doctor for her post-op appointments.
16. If she has someone at home it may be helpful if, for a few days you offer to bring in meals.
17. Assist with light housework duties.
18. Pick up prescriptions.
19. Bring her reading materials.
20. If needed, look after children or pets.
21. Many people set up a special web site and keep it updated with a daily progress report. This is appreciated by friends and relatives, and also spares the patient from receiving constant telephone inquiries. Make sure to consult the patient first about what information you plan to post.
22. Most of all let her know that you wish to help in any way you can, even if it is just to be a hand to hold or a shoulder to lean on.
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